You can’t be a real Bostonian without being a bit of an a-hole. Hell, I’ve given three people in this coffee shop the finger just over the span of typing out two sentences. So it’s only natural Jake Gyllenhaal gets into character and acts like one on the press tour for Stronger, the film where he portrays real-life Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman. Jake and Jeff interviewed each other and it’s not so much an interview as it’s 2 minutes them sassing one another.
Jeff, who lost both his legs in the bombing, asked Jake, “If you lost your legs in real life, do you think Taylor Swift would write a song about it?” Jake, who once co-starred in several staged maple latte photo-ops with Taylor, replied, “For me, or about it?”
Jeff, who got me hard by asking such a thing, said it would be for Jake…you know, a country song…LIKE HER FREAKING M.O. ALL ALONG, JAKE! DON’T YOU SIT THERE AND PLAY DOE-EYED AND DUMB! In the spirit of country, Jake did a little do-si-do around that question and just remarked how TSwift is more pop than country these days.
The two kept asking real hard-hitting questions – namely, Jeff wanted to know why Ryan Reynolds didn’t play him since he felt Mr. Blake Lively would have done a way better job that Donnie Darko. In turn, Jake asked Jeff for his favorite movie, which was Good Will Hunting since you can’t be from here and get into heaven (or the L Street Tavern on a Saturday night) without saying that. Jake seemed a little pissed that Jeff didn’t reply The Departed. Who can blame him? Martin Sheen was one fucking sexy Boston daddy in it. Oh, and I guess so was Marky Mark, which brings Jake to his last question:
“Speaking of Wahlberg, have you ever actually eaten a Wahlburger? And, if so, what happened to you two or three hours later?”
I have. Here’s a clue: if I had to describe it as a moment in history, it would most certainly be the Boston Massacre. With a side of fries.