Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 18, 2017 / Posted by:

The spotlight-stealing clip-on ponytail that Jane Fonda worked at the Emmys last night!

Whenever  I find out that Jane Fonda is going to be at an awards show, I just know that the bathroom floors of that awards show are going to be covered with the thick tears of jealousy pouring out of the eyes of every man, woman and child who spots her looking a zillion times better than them and weep over their averageness. Jane didn’t disappoint at the Emmys last night.

79-year-old Jane, who was nominated for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy for Grace and Frankie (she lost to Emmy hoarder Julia Louis-Dreyfus, but proved to be the real winner of the night because of that jizz moan-inducing ponytail), showed up to the Emmys in a look I call Snatched To The Fourth Power. Weave snatched. Face snatched. Body snatched. And by simply swinging that ponytail around, she can easily snatch anyone’s man.

When Jane Fonda’s Sally’s Beauty Supply polyester ponytail whips around as she throws a come hither look over her shoulder, wedding rings come off and divorce papers are filed. The skies above whatever city Ariana Grande Latte was in last night were filled with the sounds of her mumble screeching as she furiously cut her ponytail off after seeing Jane own the ponytail game. Actually, Ariana didn’t have to cut it off. Her ponytail probably removed itself from her head because it didn’t want to compete with Jane.

A stream of gay gasps didn’t only leap out of my mouth after laying eyes on Jane’s fresh-out-of-the-bag weave, several leaped out of my mouth when a 9 To 5 reunion hit the stage. The Emmy producers are shit for many reasons, but they are mostly shit for not changing the title for last night’s event to: A 9 TO 5 REUNION (featuring the Emmys). Jane, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton reunited to present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie. Not long after the trifecta of treasures sashayed onto the stage, Lily and Jane shit on Trump without naming Trump. Dolly didn’t say anything, but I bet that if Jane really wanted to rip Trump and had to take off her hair and jewelry to do so, Dolly would’ve gladly held her hairpiece for her.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to barge into my nearest Urgent Care to scream, “It’s been over 12 hours and I’m still not over Jane Fonda’s freakum ponytail. Can you give me something for that?

Pics: Wenn.com

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