Everyone involved in this story sounds like an asshole. Also, ever since I read the frat hazing story about Jon Hamm, I’ve been over Don Draper and his giant schlong. (Unlike Michael K., I’m a butt man.) According to court documents, Jon was the ringleader of some University Of Texas frat brahs that allegedly set a pledge on fire, dragged him around by a claw hammer under his junk, and paddled him hard enough to do kidney damage and FRACTURE HIS SPINE. Dude sounds like the torture porn version of a Revenge of the Nerds villain. Jeesh, just keep it slightly homoerotic and spank the kid a little, brahs. Where was I? Oh, right.
To set the scene, SNL throws a party after every show for the cast and that week’s guest host. Hamm pops up on SNL a lot, so he’s on the list. It was at a November 2015 soiree that Hamm says our future president (who guest-hosted that month) and the inventor of the falafel dildo tried to cow him. Hamm wasn’t having it because it sounds like he’s as big of a douche as the other two.
“He was with Bill O’Reilly. They’re both tall dudes. And I’m a tall dude. And they both do that tall-dude thing, which is to try to intimidate you,” Hamm told the outlet in an in-depth interview about his career. “And it doesn’t work on me. I’m like, ‘I’m as alpha as you. Let’s go. You’re not going to chest-bump me.’
You see why I think everyone’s an a-hole in this item? Who describes themselves as “alpha?” A-holes, that’s who. Jon didn’t elaborate on why he thought Trump and O’Reilly were trying to cross dicks with him. He did say it was the least amount of time he spent at an SNL party, and that it was “a very weird night.”
SNL after-parties sound awful. You might run into all sorts of terrible people. I’m surprised Justin Timberlake’s try-hard ass didn’t pop up during this anecdote. Are Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant around to administer hugs to the normal invitees who have to contend with the rest of the guest list?