Harper’s Bazaar got Amy Sedaris to interview Jennifer Aniston for the October issue, and it was a ride through her Greek heritage, ghosts and her half-baked GOOP ambition. It’s actually more Amy talking, which Jen did not seem to mind since, well, it’s Amy fuckin’ Sedaris.
The whole interview is a hot mess, and I love it – particularly Amy complimenting Jen’s wedding in a manner most people would take as an insult when she said everyone was dressed like woodland creatures. No, no, Amy. Those weren’t woodland creatures so much as it was probably just Courtney Cox celebrating her newfound filler-free life!
Amy then talks to Jen about her love of renovating homes, but rather than ask her snooze questions about tiles and paint colors, she asked about her home de-spooking process. Y’know…rid a house of ghosts (or just the lingering stench of whatever B-list actor lived in the home before her). Jen said she does that before moving into any home:
“It’s funny you ask. One of the first houses I rented was in Laurel Canyon, and things would literally fall off the shelves, the televisions and stereo system would all of a sudden blast, and the coffeemaker would start making coffee. My roommate at the time, who talked to dead people, if that doesn’t sound too crazy, did a little ceremony, and that freaked me out. I was new to Los Angeles and the spirit, past lives, New Age thing. And now every house I go to, I have a healer or a medium come through. This makes me sound like an absolute insane human being.”
Don’t be embarrassed, Jen. You’re not doing anything a Real Housewife of Wherever hasn’t done before. Actually, maybe you should keep that one to yourself. I’m sure that ghost was just Angelina Jolie’s old Goth self casting a hex on Jen once she realized those “Team Aniston” shirts were outselling “Team Jolie” 2:1.
Jen also admitted that if you go to her house, her kitchen counter probably looks like your mawmaw’s, but hers isn’t clogged with old people pills and a discarded Life Alert. Her pill boxes are filled with all the vitamins she and Justin take so they never get an AARP membership in the mail and look like they should still be invited to the Teen Choice Awards. Gwyneth Paltrow might have competition, as Jen said her dream is to open her own wellness center:
“My dream is to open a wellness center. I have a fantasy where you have this beautiful space with facialists, rotating workouts, meditation classes, and a café with recipes that are healthier versions of delicious foods so you’re not deprived.”
But what about the vagina steaming station?! It seems like every Hollywood huss these days is getting into a lifestyle brand of snake oil, so prep yourself for Jen’s next round of Aveeno commercials about how her Walgreens serum also has magical powers to tighten your hush and somehow take fifteen years off your face.
Pic: Mariano Vivanco/Harper’s Bazaar