Even though I get an email at least once a week from my landlord saying everyone in the building needs to clean up their Amazon shit from the front door, reportedly only 10% of all retail transactions these days take place online. The rest still goes down in actual stores. Just not the Gap. But some heartless people want to change how we shop at the most sacred of all shopping experiences!
Fast Company says ex-Googlers Paul McDonald and Ashwath Rajan are looking to take a swipe out of the bodega and convenience store business with their new bodega platform. If they have their way, pretty soon you won’t have to huff and puff waiting in line to buy just a banana and condoms while fourteen people in front of you have to cash in their Keno winnings. Instead, they’ll just set up these basic vending machines that open up with an app and technology automatically charges whatever you take from your credit card. They’re calling their pantry boxes after the thing they want to take out: Bodega. And those high-tech vending machines are basically going to look like an Ikea bookcase.
couple assholes invented a vending machine: https://t.co/igjyOMTn3D
— jes skolnik (@modernistwitch) September 13, 2017
The boxes will go in places like dorms and apartment building lobbies, and apparently it will adapt to whatever is popular in the area. So while my girl cousin’s Bodega at her sorority house might be filled with tampons, copies of Us Weekly, and rosé, MY Bodega in the gay and gayelle village might be filled with poppers, copies of Us Weekly, and rosé! (I wish).
Even though Bodega’s logo is a cat as a hat tip to all the feline friends who call actual bodegas home, Paul and Ashwath don’t seem to give a fuck that their invention might soon have these kitties homeless and standing in line at the soup kitchen! They hope to have over a thousand of these things up and running by 2018, and some people are pissed and trying to halt the growth to save their bodegas. Half the experience of buying shit from one of these places is washing off the cat hair from your jar of Prego before you make dinner. What are you supposed to do with all the free time if your goods come out hairless from a Bodega pantry?? Those two better watch it because I sense a bodega cat uprising not seen since Dobby the House Elf from Harry Potter told the Malfoys to take a seat. I can’t wait.