The new teaser trailer for the third film called Fifty Shades Freed is out, and once again it looks like it’s NOT about a kinky couple bumping uglies in the paint swatch samples aisle at Home Depot.
Not to humble brag or anything, but I don’t really follow these films, nor did I read any of the books. But like any other red-blooded American woman, a certain amount of knowledge has, without my consent, slipped into my subconscious. So I guess I know the basics. The first one was all “I’m an A-type ugly duckling who needs to get laid, damn who’s this sexy manipulator?” and the second one was all “I got my back blown out by a billionaire and now it’s my turn to hold the whip.” According to this teaser trailer, I guess this third one is all “let me go ahead and marry this dude cuz I got rich bitch shit to do, oh no did I just get kidnapped by some other dude I wanna fuck?”
This is just the teaser for a film that will no doubt bring in a ton of cash. People are already frothing at the mouth over it on Twitter. The actual trailer doesn’t come out until November, and the movie isn’t out until Valentine’s Day.
I never want to be one of those people who yucks somebody else’s yum. It’s great that there’s socially-acceptable soft-core porn out there for your weird Christian (NO PUN) cousin, or your “sassy” aunt to gag over while sharing a novelty size giant glass of Chablis with their best girlfriends in the old upstairs guest room she converted to a Pinterest perfect She Shed.
I would also not hesitate to take a tennis racquet to the caboose from hot piece Jamie Dornan. And Dakota Fanning, I mean Elle Fanning, I mean Dakota Johnson, has reddish hair in this one. So here, with my own tagline, “Because Valentine’s Day can’t cum soon enough,” is the teaser trailer for Fifty Shades Freed.