Here’s The Teaser Trailer For “Fifty Shades Freed”

September 11, 2017 / Posted by:

The new teaser trailer for the third film called Fifty Shades Freed is out, and once again it looks like it’s NOT about a kinky couple bumping uglies in the paint swatch samples aisle at Home Depot.

Not to humble brag or anything, but I don’t really follow these films, nor did I read any of the books. But like any other red-blooded American woman, a certain amount of knowledge has, without my consent, slipped into my subconscious. So I guess I know the basics. The first one was all “I’m an A-type ugly duckling who needs to get laid, damn who’s this sexy manipulator?” and the second one was all “I got my back blown out by a billionaire and now it’s my turn to hold the whip.” According to this teaser trailer, I guess this third one is all “let me go ahead and marry this dude cuz I got rich bitch shit to do, oh no did I just get kidnapped by some other dude I wanna fuck?”

This is just the teaser for a film that will no doubt bring in a ton of cash. People are already frothing at the mouth over it on Twitter. The actual trailer doesn’t come out until November, and the movie isn’t out until Valentine’s Day.

I never want to be one of those people who yucks somebody else’s yum. It’s great that there’s  socially-acceptable soft-core porn out there for your weird Christian (NO PUN) cousin, or your “sassy” aunt to gag over while sharing a novelty size giant glass of Chablis with their best girlfriends in the old upstairs guest room she converted to a Pinterest perfect She Shed.

I would also not hesitate to take a tennis racquet to the caboose from hot piece Jamie Dornan. And Dakota Fanning, I mean Elle Fanning, I mean Dakota Johnson, has reddish hair in this one. So here, with my own tagline, “Because Valentine’s Day can’t cum soon enough,” is the teaser trailer for Fifty Shades Freed.

Pic: YouTube

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