“Dancing With The Stars” Has Been Injected With Some 80s Mall Soundtrack Star Power

September 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Actually, it might be a little hard to tell through that heavy Haylie Duff filter that has been applied. Here, I’ll give you a hint, courtesy of some subtle Photoshop. Take a look at it now (it might also help to channel of the smell of mall plastic and the feel of scrunch socks on your ankles).

alan-bersten-and-debbie-gibson-39fad273-14b6-4de4-8ba7-8b0069b4ecde

No, it’s not Haylie Duff with a hat (who said that?!?). It’s 80s teen pop legend and one-time perfume mogul Debbie Gibson! I really should have made it easier by replacing her dance partner with a pastel peach Sharp Boombox.

The full cast of the 25th season of Dancing with the Stars was announced today on Good Morning America. We already knew that some of the loose-definition of stars would include Frankie Muniz, Nick and Vanessa Lachey, and the Property Brother who doesn’t wear a toolbelt, Drew Scott. Well, now we’ve got the full list, and it’s…a little underwhelming. Thank the cha-cha gods they were able to land Debbie Gibson, who will surely pull out her metaphorical defibrillator paddles and shock some electric youth into the dance floor. Although I’m not sure she can technically call whatever she’s got electric youth, since, you know – she’s 47 years old. Maybe electric youth is a state of mind? That might explain why the costume department put Debbie in a Sweet 16 party dress for her promo shot.

But enough about Debbie Gibson and whether or not she’ll do an Argentine tango to “Lost In Your Eyes” (I mean, she totally will). Here’s the rest of the cast. As expected, don’t expect to see a surprise appearance by Sean Spicer on this list.

Victoria Arlen (Paralympic swimmer) with partner Valentin Chmerkovskiy
Nikki Bella (WWE wrestler) with partner Artem Chigvintsev
Barbara Corcoran (from Shark Tank) with partner Keo Motsepe
Derek Fisher (former NBA player) with partner Sharna Burgess
Jordan Fisher (singer/actor) with partner Lindsay Arnold
Debbie Gibson (80s pop legend) with partner Alan Bersten
Nick Lachey (former husband of Jessica Simpson) with partner Peta Murgatroyd
Vanessa Lachey (TV person) with partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Frankie Muniz (Malcolm, formerly of the Middle) with partner Witney Carson
Terrell Owens (NFL player) with partner Cheryl Burke
Sasha Pieterse (from Pretty Little Liars) with partner Gleb Savchenko
Drew Scott (Property Brother) with partner Emma Slater
Lindsey Stirling (violinist) with partner Mark Ballas

Okay, so there are obviously some ringers here. Nick Lachey knows how to stick to a beat from all those years on tour with 98 Degrees. But I don’t know; this cast just isn’t as dazzling as the previous one (and that’s all thanks to major charisma-bringer Charo).

Then again, there might be some surprises! Like, Drew Scott, who claims he’s lost 25 lbs. during DWTS practice. Damn, that’s dedication! It’s like his body is a 1980s sidesplit with a dated kitchen, pink wall-to-wall carpet, and a popcorn ceiling, and he’s gone to work turning it into a modern and contemporary open-concept with hardwood throughout, a main-level laundry, a gourmet kitchen with stainless steel appliances and classic white subway tiles, and room for the dogs to run outside. But if that’s not enough to win, I suppose he could always spice up his routine with a little magic.

Here’s the full cast in their Elegant Dance Rentals best:

Pics: ABC, Pinterest

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