The New Taylor Swift Still Has The Trademark Office On Speed Dial

September 5, 2017 / Posted by:

If the old Taylor Swift can’t come to the phone right now…cuz she’s dead,” her ghost sure knows her way around the Yellow Pages to find a good patent attorney! TMZ reports Camp TSwizzle has recently filed to trademark a slew of lyrics and catchphrases from her upcoming album Reputation to use on shit like shirts, guitar picks, and other crap that she’ll hawk at her concerts for gobs of cash.

According to TMZ, Taylor has filed to trademark phrases like “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now” and “Look What You Made Me Do.” That’s kind of funny, because if you listen to some people, the only thing the new song makes them do is pray for deafness so they don’t have to hear it anymore.

Taylor must secretly have a t-shirt somewhere that says, “I was friends with a Kardashian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and AN INSATIABLE THIRST FOR DOLLAH BILLS!” because the only person who has put forward such a shameless trademark request is Kylie Jenner when she tried to trademark Kylie” and Australian ROYAL QUEEN Kylie Minogue had to step in and ask for the receipts.

Taylor tried to trademark the year1989″ when her last album came out. Plus, while the rest of Tennessee goes quail hunting, she prefers to send her bloodhound legal team on Etsy to make sure every single unauthorized Olivia Benson cat mug and Junior Jewels t-shirt dealer gets slapped with a cease-and-desist. Because if Queen T ain’t making coin on it, nobody is!

We can most likely assume the trademarks don’t end there, as Variety says TSwift released a new song called “Ready For It?” over the weekend.

I PRAY for the capitalist pig merchandise gods to make “Ready For It?” and “Eh, not really…” t-shirts for an ungodly amount, just so the lengthy list of Swift exes (who should really be called Swift Exits) can get rid of her standard issue “I <3 TS” tank and reflect their new relationship status. They’ll be all the rage at dinner parties and pap walks of their choosing. Now THAT is some TSwift merchandise we can all get behind!

Pic: Wenn.com

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