It’s a sad day for size queens; Michael Fassbender may be taking his notable member off the table for good. According to The Sun UK, Michael and his on again/off again lady friend Alicia Vikander are planning a secret wedding in Ibiza, the Cabo Wabo During Spring Break of Europe.
Not only are they rumored to be getting married, it’s also going to be a secret wedding. The Sun UK says:
Hollywood star Michael, 40, is paying for the entire party to stay at a five-star resort as he ties the knot to the 28-year-old screen siren. A source close to the star said: “The details of the party are being kept under lock and key. Guests have been told to arrive in Ibiza on a certain date and they will then be collected and taken to the hotel.”
It sounds a bit Eyes Wide Shut-y to me. Will the guests all have to sign a waver and designate a proxy before being ferried to a secret location? I don’t like surprises. This sounds scary, especially given the size of the snakes on Ibiza. You can go ahead and miss me with that invite, Michael.
But it does sound like it’s going to be a huge party. The source adds:
“He’s splashing out big time and it’s going to be the party of the year.”
Apparently the couple were in Ibiza together as recently as July, where they were papped making out and hanging with a group of friends on a yacht.
Given that their relationship was allegedly on the rocks because of Michael’s hard partying ways, holding their wedding on an island whose sandy beaches are probably made of 70% ketamine, 20% cocaine (the other 10 percent is made up of cigarette butts and actual sand) is surprisingly audacious. Ibiza is the least low-key place in all of Europe, so it makes zero sense to hold your secret wedding there unless your dealer simply can’t get away. But hey, whatever floats your boat. If the throbbing unch unch of techno and finding glitter in your crotch for days is your idea of romance, then mazel tov!