Because the late 2010s are a time of insanity and confusion, the patron saint of trailer parks is running an unofficial campaign for Senate. (Hold on, let me take a shot to soothe my nerves, cuz’ that’s some bullshit). Unfortunately for the demolition derby aficionados out there, Kid Rock’s political aspirations hit a brief snag this week when he was accused of a campaign finance violation. UsWeekly reports that Mr. Rock’s response to the allegation was as calm and measured as you’d expect from any political candidate.
The nonprofit organization Common Cause filed a complaint against Detroit’s Finest yesterday, claiming that he’s been campaigning for Senate without registering with the Federal Election Commission. Kid opened a website in July that sells a bunch of swag pushing his run for Senate.
Well, Kid had this to say yesterday:
“I am starting to see reports from the misinformed press and the fake news on how I am in violation of breaking campaign law. No. 1: I have still not officially announced my candidacy. No. 2: See #1 and go fuck yourselves.”
Now THAT’S how a future senator handles bad PR. Running for office and accused of infidelity/thievery/deceit/colluding with the Russians? Just tell them to go fuck themselves! Just treat it like you would if you were accused of harboring Insane Clown Posse’s glass dildo!
Does anyone else get a chill now when a dipshit drops “fake news” in there? It reminds me of a scene from Stephen King’s Desperation, when Ron Perlman’s scary cop has the couple in the back of his cruiser and he casually drops “I’m going to kill you” in the middle of advising them of their rights? *SCREAM* Nothing’s innocuous anymore!
The other scary thing here is that since 45 took the White House, it goes to show that ANYBODY can be president. Don’t laugh Kid Rock off! Remember when you were a tyke and you lost the Pop Warner game or screwed up your gymnastics team try-out? And your parents soothed your bruised ego by telling you that you’re still a winner to them and you could even be president someday if you wanted? That wasn’t just one of the thousands of lies your parents tell you when you’re a kid! Donald Trump is our president. Kid Rock can totally be a senator. Hell, Kid Rock could become POTUS!
If he did, I would hope he’d at least open every appearance screaming “MY NAME IS KKKKKKIIIIIIID ROCK!” from atop a monster truck while flanked by hookers on dirtbikes. It would be the only comfort a Kid Rock White House could afford us.