Pilot Inspektor would like a word with you, George Clooney.
George is pushing that Suburbicon flick he directed alongside its star Matt Damon. They sat down with Entertainment Tonight, and George talked about the twins he had with his statuesque global superstar lawyer wife Amal Clooney in June. Clooney explained that they named the twins Alexander and Ella because Jermajesty and Phyllon Gor were already taken. No, it’s because he didn’t want his future put-upon celebrity children to have to deal with the burden of “dumb names.” Ode Mountain, you have every right to be offended after reading this.
“We figured these kids are going to be looked at a lot and watched and [have their] every move sort of judged, and we wanted them to at least have a break with the names,” he reasoned. “So we looked for some sort of normal names. We didn’t have any great inspiration. It wasn’t Alexander the Great and Ella Fitzgerald.”
“Alexander Hamilton?” Damon inquired.
“It was Alexander Hamilton,” Clooney jokingly confirmed.
“Well, I think his kids’ names are totally basic and uninspired,” sniffed Audio Science.
As new parents do, George went on to claim that his twins already have very distinct personalities. This is despite babies having next to no interest in expressing themselves beyond screaming due to hunger, fatigue, or having soiled a diaper. George’s kiki buddy Matt agrees with him that Alexander should already be enforcing the velvet rope at clubs. Translation: They both think Alexander Clooney is fat.
“[Alexander] is a thug already. You saw him,” he said to pal Matt Damon. “He’s a moose! Literally, he just sits and he eats.”
“He looks like he could bounce right now, some place in Hollywood,” Damon agreed.
“Like, checking IDs on the way into the nursery.”
As for Ella, she’s got Angelina Jolie eyes, looks like her crusading attorney mom, and is all about elegance. Obviously, George hasn’t touched a diaper yet.
“She’s very elegant, and all eyes. She looks like Amal, thank god.”
“Because I don’t need anyone trying it when it comes to being the most beautiful face in this family,” George secretly thinks when he takes all of the copies of his 2006 “Sexiest Man Alive” issue of People from their hiding space in the carriage house to lovingly stroke.
Check out more pics of George Clooney promoting Suburbicon at the Venice Film Festival in the gallery below.