Nothing says “I’d rather be at home helping Lena Dunham reorganize the fuse box” like miserably chomping on a banana at a nationally televised awards show.
Katy Perry dropped the video for “Swish Swish” only a few days ago, and I kind of expected her to open the MTV VMAs last night by popping out of a giant glowing basketball and throwing candy and money to the audience in an attempt to temporarily distract everyone from that other music video that was set to dominate the night. But she didn’t do that. Instead she dropped from the ceiling in a holographic moon-suit and pretended she had just returned to Earth after a long time away in space. Space? Is that where she’s been? That would explain why she’s been acting so high lately.
Someone must have told Katy Perry she’s a natural stand-up comedian, because Katy opened the show with a monologue. She joked about how everyone is “doing so well” on Earth, that the new hot fashion is sad gowns and bonnets from The Handmaid’s Tale, and she gave the “How do you do, fellow kids” meme a new face by playing with a fidget spinner.
Jack Antonoff, sexy nerd producer and FOT (friend of Taylor), was not impressed. The camera panned into the audience, and there was Jack Antonoff, looking beyond over-it while getting down on a banana. I don’t know where the hell he got a banana from. Is the food situation at these things so bad you’ve got to bring your own snacks? Are there NO benefits to being a famous person anymore?!?
Also very unimpressed was Ellen DeGeneres, who was probably thinking “Girl, you’re bombing! Throw me that mic, I got a dozen jokes about fidget spinners.”
People magazine says that the internet was quick to notice Jack’s bored snack break might actually have been banana-eating shade. Jack has worked multiple times with Taylor Swift and dates Lena Duham, a longtime soldier in Taylor’s friendship army. Lena Dunham let it be known that Jack was soOoOoOo bored at the Katy Perry-hosted VMAs, that he FaceTimed Lena while eating a sandwich.
Any other time, I would absolutely categorize Jack’s bored banana and sandwich eating as dude attempting to be low-key rude to the enemy of one of his friends. But I don’t know. Katy’s monologue was basically a 3-minute set on open mic night at The Chuckle Hut. And besides, even if it was great, it still didn’t live up to what we all probably consider the gold standard for MTV VMA showmanship: Britney Spears in a jeweled bikini top and hot pants bringing a live snake onstage in 2001. Unless someone does something even more extra – like bringing out two snakes, or a bikini made of snakes – I am forced to consider the show an abject failure.
Here’s some more from before the show of Jack Antonoff, in a Canadian Tuxedo, and Katy Perry, in what appears to be Delia Deetz’s wedding dress.