Shania Twain Really Wasn’t Impressed By Brad Pitt

August 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Canada’s twangier chanteuse, Shania Twain, is taking a page from Cher’s “Farewell Tour!…Just Kidding, Who Knew I Could Rank In This Kinda Cash?!” playbook. She’s coming back with new songs and a new tour, despite her 2015 Rock This Country Tour being billed as her last. Even better, Shania has reached the age where, while she might still don the leopard print, she’s leaving her fucks to give tucked away in the closet.

Billboard (via UsWeekly) says Shania gave the back-story as to why Brad Pitt got name checked in “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” and, no, it wasn’t because she wasn’t that big of a fan of Interview With The Vampire:

“I remember I had a girlfriend visiting me and it was near Christmas and we were baking cookies. I was writing this album and there was a scandal of [Pitt] and Gwyneth Paltrow where there was naked photos of him [in Playgirl magazine]. And this was all the rage.”

Oooo! Hear that Brad?! When you get a text from Shania at 3 in the morning, don’t expect the usual sext! The only thing you’ll get from her maple mouth is, “plz DON’T snd n00dz.” She’s too busy mastering her Nestle Toll House creations! (Note from Allison: we don’t have Nestle Toll House in Canada. Shania was definitely pouring Chipits or No Name chocolate chips). Nah, actually Shania wants you to know the reason she wasn’t impressed is she didn’t know why all us Yankee doodles clutched our pearls over some Pitt peen:

“I just thought,’‘I don’t know what all the fuss is about.’ I’m like, well that don’t impress me much. I mean, what is all the fuss? We see people naked every day. That’s really what I thought. I wasn’t picking on Brad Pitt. But that was just the association in that moment and things we make fusses about and whatever. Of course, it could have been any gorgeous guy.”

HAHA! Any gorgeous guy?! Brad, in Shania’s mind, your tallywhacker could just as easily have been Lyle Lovett’s. Do NOT fight me on this; if he was good enough for Julia Roberts back then, he is good enough for the rest of us!

Brad has been bruised by this before, giving an interview back in 2011 where he said he unfortunately remembered the reference, and would rather it have come from a heavy metal song. Ummmm…why don’t you pay your light bill, Brad, and accept being a part of jean short/honky-tonk HISTORY with glee. It’s way more of an honor to be called out by Shania and her halter top bachelorette party music than be in a video for Frank Ocean’s T.J. Maxx dressing room slow beats.

Pic: Wenn.com

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