I have had cats my entire life. In fact, my mom told me that my first word was “kitty” but my dumb baby mouth made it sound like “key.” It’s the cutest story you’ll ever hear about me. You never know what you’’e gonna get with a kitten when they grow up. I’ve had mean ones, sweet ones, scaredy ones, brave ones, ugly ones, gorgeous ones, snuggly ones, aloof ones, polite ones, rude ones, tidy ones and messy ones. Well, this is about a fat and lazy one.
Needless to say, if you’ve had many cats, you’re inevitably gonna get a super fat and lazy one. I have one of those right now. A neighbor once asked me if he ate other cats for breakfast. But Willie better watch out, because some gray and white butterball is coming for his crown.
Tastefully Offensive brings us this cat, who is on some next level shit. Garfield may hate Mondays, but this mother fucker right here hates Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays (Thursdays are her fave but that’s just because Shonda is magic). If this cat was a person, she’d ride a scooter through the grocery store with one of those grabber things, just randomly snatching boxes of cookies off the shelf and making her minder run behind her to collect them all and put then in a cart.
This cat is a hero. Even though she’s too arsed to get up and actually play, she’s using the very nice toy her owner bought her which is really generous. My lazy cat looks at all the stuff I buy him with disdain and derision. Sorry Willie, there’s a new queen in town and she’s here to play. Well, sort of. She’s here at any rate.