A source (a gossip-whispering thetan?) tells UsWeekly says that 37-year-old out-and-proud Scientologist Laura Prepon and her 36-year-old down-low Scientologist fiancé Ben Foster are now the parents to a baby girl. Donna from That 70s Show was rumored to be knocked up back in January, then she confirmed said knocking up as well as what she was having on Live! with Kelly & Ryan in June.
According to UsWeekly’s source, the baby was possibly born earlier this week or last week, or who knows? Maybe this baby was born a month ago and already knows it doesn’t like the sound of Unky Ashton’s annoying laugh. Also not known is the name. All we know for sure is that Laura and Ben were seen having dinner in New York City on Tuesday night. They were reportedly seen enjoying “wine and cocktails,” which to me seems like one of the more obvious ways to let everyone know you’re no longer carrying a kid around inside you.
So this means the Church of Scientology has a…whatever they call a baptism, to plan. I’m guessing it’s called something pseudo-scientific and pretentious, like a Small Adult Celestial Enlightenment Ceremony. Actually, I wonder what that would be like? There’s definitely some kind of formal infant gown passed down from child to child with Tom Cruise’s smiling face hand-stitched into it. David Miscavige has John Travolta pour barley water into the baptismal font (aka a bowl placed on the apple crates David and Tom stand on during presentations). Someone dips the cans of an E-meter into the barley water and places them in the baby’s hands. Then the ceremony is complete when the baby has been asked who should be billed for their My First Auditing Session.