Open Post: Hosted By Sarah Jessica Parker Geeking Out Over The Eclipse

August 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Yesterday while everybody in my TL was having eclipse fever, I was busy debating whether or not to take out the kitchen garbage, which was barely full but stinky. There was no eclipse here in Switzerland, but there are very strict rules about refuse disposal and you can only throw out very expensive garbage bags that they make you buy at either the post office or from behind the counter at select stores. So, while my natural inclination would be to just throw the fucking thing out because I am very smell sensitive and easily yucked out, the thrift-miser in me is inclined to hoard the garbage bags and fill them to the absolute brim to squeeze every last franc of value out of them.

Even so, the Great American Eclipse (it was actually, officially called that?) we hoped could heal a divided nation went on without me. Everybody in the “path of totality” (which sounds HORRIFYING, btw) was out there wearing their little glasses or with cereal boxes on their heads experiencing profound “moments.” None more so than broadway babe Sarah Jessica Parker.

SJP posted a video to Instagram of her on a boat somewhere in North Carolina gagging at the majestic wonder of it all. Maybe she has an audition for the role of “most moved by a somewhat rare natural phenomenon,” because she was doing the absolute most. She screams a frantic warning at somebody “don’t look too hard!!!” and says it’s “one of the most thrilling moments” of her life, smartly followed by “outside of having my children” and then, a beat too late, maybe two beats too late, “and marriage and all that.” Poor Matthew Broderick!

And it wasn’t even in totality yet, just a chip at the beginning. Can you only imagine the wailing, garment rending and pants peeing she must have done when the thing actually happened? You don’t have to, because here it is! She plotzed!

A post shared by SJP (@sarahjessicaparker) on

I am sorry to have missed it, I would totally have nerded out too. But come on, SJP, put the phone down and live in the moment! But actually don’t, because if everybody did that, I’d be out of a job.

Pic: Instagram

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