Nerd King Joss Whedon’s ex wife Kai Cole is Not. The. One. She loves the smell of napalm in the morning and she doesn’t mind a whiff at lunch or after supper either. Yesterday she put Joss on BLAST with hot, hot fire words and blew up his spot like Michael Bay with an arsenal of nukes and walked away from the ashes in slow motion.
In a guest blog spot on The Wrap, architect and former Good Wife Kai tells all of Joss’ business, accusing him of serial adultery and of being a phony-ass feminist. Kai begins:
“I’ve been asked some questions by the press recently about my divorce from Joss Whedon, to whom I was married for 16 years. There is misinformation out there and I feel the best way to clear up the situation is to tell my truth. Let me begin by saying I am a very private person and the act of writing this is antithetical to who I am and everything I stand for. Yet, at the same time, I feel compelled to go on the record and clear up some misperceptions. I don’t think it is fair to me or other women to remain silent any longer.”
What’s this? An invitation to high tea from a lady I’ve barely heard of? I didn’t even know this tea existed before but she makes it sound so good I’m suddenly hella thirsty. I don’t care if it’s Lipton sun tea or some expensive shit you got to strain with a funny little spoon thing, I just know I need to have it and I will gladly bring the crumpets and clotted cream. So please, Kai, by all means: start pouring.
Kai breaks down their relationship and how it all started when she met him 1991, before his script for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie was adapted. She says that she’s the one who encouraged him to get it turned into a TV show after the movie flopped. A move she suggests is what helped to establish the blockbuster career he has today. Kai says he repaid her by sinking a stake in her heart and his dick in someone on set.
“There were times in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with the attention Joss paid other women. He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better. He said he admired and respected females, he didn’t lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of Buffy, Joss decided to have his first secret affair.”
Not satisfied with just telling us about his wayward dick, Kai’s wrath comes new in the box, with receipts. She reprints what Joss allegedly wrote to her about the situation 15 years later:
“When I was running Buffy, I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.”
Kai adds a salty, “But he did touch it.” Oh, snap! She goes on to say that Joss admitted to having multiple affairs over the course of their marriage with “actresses, co-workers, fans and friends,” all the while accepting accolades for his perceived feminism.
“I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women’s rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.”
Kai is sure that you can’t be a cheating bastard and a feminist at the same time. Kai says that the emotional toll of Joss’ infidelity and lies caused her to develop “complex PTSD” and sapped her of her confidence and self-esteem. She’s only just now getting back to herself and restarting her career as an architect. I certainly hope she feels better after pulling this phenomenal feat of fire-breathing revenge. I’m somewhat disappointed that she didn’t name names, but that’s because I’m a nosy bitch. That would have been a very anti-feminist thing to do and since she took one low road already, the rest of her journey better be on high ground.
The height of Joss’ road is up to interpretation much like his definition of feminism. He responded (via The Wrap):
“While this account includes inaccuracies and misrepresentations which can be harmful to their family, Joss is not commenting, out of concern for his children and out of respect for his ex-wife.”
So, no tea being served at Joss’ house, but if you’re lucky and have a vagina you can probably get a sausage roll and a slap on the ass.
Here’s to Kai and to letting it burn!