It should be clear by now that if anybody is living their best life, it’s best life living encourager Oprah Winfrey. In a recent Vogue interview, Oprah revealed she is living every lotto players dream life by giving two big ole middle fingers in the air to every hooker that has ever tried to keep her down. Those hookers include The Man (obvs), the Industry (I’ll make my own then, dammit), Scarlett O’hara (Tara ain’t got shit on Oprah’s “Promised Land” estate), Chucky the killer doll (which beat Beloved at the box office) and ratched bathtubs. That last one may contain the the hidden key to everyone’s favorite speculation (aside from does she scissor Gayle): Why Oprah never married Stedman Graham.
According to Vogue:
Pausing on my way out to use one of her many bathrooms before the drive back to Los Angeles, I say to Oprah, “Remember at your house in Telluride when you showed me your tub that was molded and shaped to your body?” “Yup,” she says. “I still have a nice bathtub. I major in bathtubs. I spend my time looking for the best possible bathtub a woman can buy. And actually, Stedman’s never been in this one. When I was in Chicago, he would ask for permission: ‘Can I get in your tub?’ And I would say, ‘Mmmmmm. . . . OK.’ ”
See how Oprah had to think hard as to whether she was gonna let Stedman’s stank butt into her pristine tub? That’s NOT a metaphor, come on people, pull your minds out of the gutter. Oprah just doesn’t like to share. Oprah noted that she used to be in charge of cleaning the terrible little poor person’s tub at her father’s house that had a nasty perma-ring that could never be scrubbed off. Baby Oprah fell to her knees and shouted to the heavens “Never again, I’m quitting you bitches and getting my own damn tub!”. And that’s just what she did. Approximately 83 of them. Stedman may use the one in his little guest house. Oprah does things her way and isn’t about to acknowledge your sad little bougie expectations and conventions. As Vogue reports:
I ask Oprah, What has not getting married taught you about women in our society? “Live life on your own terms,” she shoots right back. Then she reiterates something she said to me nineteen years ago: that the subject of marriage between her and Stedman Graham never came up. “Nobody believes it, but it’s true. The only time I brought it up was when I said to Stedman, ‘What would have happened if we had actually gotten married?’ And the answer is: ‘We wouldn’t be together.’ We would not have stayed together, because marriage requires a different way of being in this world. His interpretation of what it means to be a husband and what it would mean for me to be a wife would have been pretty traditional, and I would not have been able to fit into that.”
I guess Oprah’s expectation of marriage does not include banning your husband from the marital tub. Oprah’s got needs like any other woman. Stedman must know that his little Kato Kaelin shack in the back is phatter than any pad he could afford. He’s happy to let Oprah do her thing and just be on call until the little Downton Abbey bell she has rigged in there starts to jangling and he has to go up to the big house (Oprah’s term, not mine) with his little shower caddy and get to scrubbing Oprah’s tub!!