“Hot Slut Of The Day!” Is Taking A Break Too. Blame My Goddamn Left Retina 

August 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Pictured: The last Hot Slut of the Day for a while, Lily Charles from Pushing Daisies (as played with glamorous perfection by Swoosie Kurtz) who reinvented the eye patch eleganza game and could easily knock out a trick with just one devastating eye glare.

So…. remember last month when I said that I was taking a break from regularly posting because I needed to deal with some health shit? Well, my health shit didn’t involve my eye, but I guess my eye got jealous and decided to get in on the fun. I got some retina tears in my left eyeball about two weeks ago, and they were lasered, but it didn’t take and so my retina detached. “Bitch, I can no longer take the heat of what comes up when you Google ‘Carrot Top naked’ so I’m out of this ho.” – my retina, most likely.

I’m having surgery and my surgeon is going to install some gas bubble on my eye. And yes, WebMD tells me that the procedure of installing a gas bubble on an eye involves the surgeon squatting on a patient’s face and farting onto their eye.

They tell me that after the surgery, I must stay in bed for one to two weeks, and I have to stay away from reading and writing. If you read my posts before, then you may have asked the question, “Is he illiterate?” But believe it or not, I can fully read, and since farting up a Hot Slut of the Day post every day requires reading, it’s taking a time out for the first time in HSOTD history. Send your curse-filled complaints to: michaelsassholecuntofaretina@dlisted.com

HSOTD and I will be both be back when I’m told it’s safe to read words again. In the meantime, Allison, J. Harvey, Mieka, C.J. and Ben will continue to bring your daily dose of messiness.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to furiously bedazzle an eye patch and pray that I can work it one 10000000th as good as Lily Charles did.

Pic: ABC

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