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August 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Jibba Jabber!

Long, long before some growns soothed their splintery nerves with those annoying fidget spinners (Side note: Us real mature growns still soothe our splintery nerves with weed, porn and passively aggressively fighting with relatives about politics on Facebook.), a toy company named Ertl did some damage control by trying to pass off their Jibba Jabber doll as a stress reliever.

Jibba Jabber was born in the mid-1990s, and he looked like what would come out of a giraffe’s cooch if that giraffe bareback fucked a raver clown while high on LSD. Jibba Jabber’s thing was that he made a warbling sound when he was shook. That mess was actually marketed toward children until complaints came in about Shaken Baby Syndrome, and then Ertl changed that shit up and marketed it as a stress reliever and gag gift of sorts. Wikipedia says that they also included a pamphlet on “seven ways to react positively to a child rather than resorting to violence.”

You’d think that switching things up and telling people to shake a trick when they’re stressed out would be a good business move, but it wasn’t. Jibba Jabber was pulled off shelves before the 90s ended. And so sociopath brats had to find something else to shake to make them laugh.

Note to tricks on Twitter: You always says how SHOOK you are, but sorry, bitch, nobody was SHOOK the way Jibba Jabber was SHOOK.

Pic: Pinterest

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