Open Post: Hosted By Jessica Simpson Looking A Mess In NYC
Yesterday. Jessica Simpson stepped out in NYC looking like a multi-tiered scoop of “Hoooooo Lawd!” Her shades most certainly were stolen from a 7-year-old, and who cares?! They look far better on the face behind the biggest line at Dillard’s…or Macy’s…or Big Lots…or…wherever the fuck that shit is sold. And what about that clutch?! Poor Lauren Hutton’s mouth got used for her purse! That blouse most certainly screams “oops! I’m just the substitute teacher and didn’t get the dress code memo, y’all!” Meanwhile, the leather coochie skirt is one wrong move on the mainstage away from ripping and airing out her Big Apples. Just kidding, that leather skirt says, “I’m leather, I’m red, and it’s fucking July in New York. Why the fuckity fuck did you fish me out of the closet?”
People shocked me silly by saying this outfit did not, in fact, come from a Baptist Vacation Bible School clothing swap. Instead, those shades cost $2,610 and were by, who else, Dolce & Gabbana. The only thing those two enjoy more than heaping doses of self-loathing is up-charging a hussy from a red state. The blouse is by Chloé and cost nearly $2,000. Chloé must be French for “Let’s see how far we can swindle this bitch.”
Pics: Backgrid