Believe it or not, the Swift Manor is home to not one, but TWO My Little Ponies. The first, as you may well know, spends her time at tea parties, Katy Perry fan club meetings, and occasionally in the recording studio. Her name is Taylor Swift. The other one has mainly been known for having an Instagram account with regular updates to keep the psychotic masses at bay while his sister has been dark on social media plotting her comeback. This one is named Austin Swift. Only, he’s apparently also been acting in a few things. I think I remember her referencing him as an actor a while back, but I kind of thought of that the same way I used to call myself a “struggling artist” when it meant I was struggling to string words together for a LiveJournal short story about my Beanie Baby collection.
Anywho, Austin had me eating my words when he published a ‘gram of him in Ben Affleck’s Live By Night earlier this year:
I mean, apart from having to share camera time with the second greasiest thing to come out of Boston (Marky Mark in present-day form being the first), it seemed like a big get. Naturally, I immediately wondered which cast member he promised he’d give his sister’s phone number to in order to get a part. Ben?? Too easy. Chris Cooper?! Nah, probably Sienna Miller. The squad needs a new Anna Wintour protegee since that snake Kendall Jenner is a member of the Kim Kardashian-Kanye West Koven of Snapchat sleuthing.
Well, Austin seems to have tickled Tinseltown, as The Wrap says he has a part in a new movie getting penned by one of the Pretty Little Liars chickadees. Tammin Sursok and her director husband, Sean McEwan, wrote an indie-flick called Whaling, and, no, it doesn’t mean Austin is going to dress like a whale and flop around his sister’s Rhode Island house at next year’s maybe/maybe-not 4th of July party (yep, still pissed over this year’s lack of one). Instead, this one involves two siblings who dispose of their mother’s ashes in “an unusual way.” Like… in the garbage after guzzling down some In-n-Out? They then run into a hustler played by Austin. I know that just means he probably is out to swindle cash, but I seriously hope this just turns into one giant Moby Dick/American Gigolo mash-up, because nothing is going to make me giddier than watching big Swift sis trying to feign supporting feels when her brother is playing some humped back ho working the mean streets. That’s an album’s worth of material!