Everything is getting the reboot or throwback treatment. Will & Grace? Coming back! Every other defunct show at NBC? Coming back! McRib at McDonalds? Coming back! Just kidding, I don’t know about that one. Lollapooloza was this weekend. I only knew that since my Republican relatives all sent me asshole emails about Malia Obama dancing around at The Killers concert, because dems dah devil’s side-steps. And my gays all sent me clips of an insult to the good name of our Lordesses of Seasoning, the Spice Girls.
Charli XCX talked about girl power during her set, and it naturally seemed like a teeing up for a good ol’ fashioned Spice Girls tribute. Hell, Mel B has buckets of spousal support checks to cut these days. Charli should have invited Scary, because she would have shown up for a partial reunion if she had been promised just enough per diem (aka an autographed copy of a bad review of Victoria Beckham’s latest collection and a $75 Amazon gift card). Instead, she brought out special guest Halsey to dance the black swan with her white swan in Diplo back-up dancer frock. At least, I thought it was going to be a Spice Girls tribute until it started out with some Keyboard Cat synths. Heh?? Then it was just the two of them jolting around the stage like flying squirrels while some bootleg version of Wannabe played. If people wanted to see that kind of tribute, they could just go to some fourth-tier karaoke spot in Chinatown, slurp down a scorpion bowl, and save a shit ton on tickets!
The only thing that’s a tribute here is one to Posh, because her microphone was never allowed to be on, and theirs weren’t either! Check it out for yourself below: