Is it too late to reclaim the Countess title?! Luckily I was sitting down earlier, because People reports Luann D’Agostino and Tom D’Agostino are splitting up after seven months of marriage. What is it with all these short sentences these days?! Anthony Scaramucci only did ten days of hard time in the White House (just calling a prison sentence by its proper name!) and now this. What’s next? A seven-month presidency?! A boy can dream! Luann tweeted out the news earlier today:
It's with great sadness that Tom & I agreed to divorce. We care for each other very much, hope you respect our privacy during this sad time!
— Luann D'Agostino (@CountessLuann) August 3, 2017
A source, who was most likely Bethenny Frankel’s evil bitch of a dog Cookie, said, “They had lots of issues and really tried to make it work, but it was just obvious they weren’t on the same page.” One time they may not have been on the same page was when Tom got caught trying to play tonsil hockey last weekend with a mystery woman at Murf’s, a dive bar in Sag Harbor. Tom, you can’t go muff diving at Murf’s! Didn’t you read Class With The Countess?! It’s très très déclassé!
Tragically, Michael K pointed out to me that the Real Housewives of New York reunion has already been filmed for this season, so we won’t get to see Luann perform a song of lament while those other booze bags sit by jealous and uncomfortable in their Hervé Leger sausage-casing dresses. That being said, the only thing these fame whores like more than rolling their eyes when Bethenny tries to promote something is camera time, so I smell a re-do reunion! Or at the very least, some very tragic auto-tuned number coming to a newly created “We’ll pay you to listen to this crap” playlist on Spotify any day now.