Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Bella Thorne’s “slut” charm!

Bella Thorne has proven time and time again that she’s the lot lizard fashion icon of my dreams, and it’s obvious that she subscribes to my philosophy about style: If you don’t look like you’re about to lean into a car window to say, “5 for a blow, 20 for a lay,” then change your outfit, bitch, because you’re doing fashion wrong. Bella continued to win me over by wearing a necklace that tells the world that she’s a proud slut at heart. Bella has been wearing a stunningly exquisite necklace (bought from Tiffany & HO, probably), and while wearing it on Snatchchat the other day, one of her little followers, who really should take advantage of Lens Crafters online appointment system and make one STAT, thought that her heart-shaped pendant said: ALLAH. Another one of her followers wondered if she’s converted to Islam.

Now, Bella is “hitting a baby stroller with her car” away from officially becoming this generation’s Lindsay Lohan, but I don’t think she’s following in LiLo’s step by becoming Muslim. Bella let her followers know that she’s not muslim. She’s just a Je-whore-ah’s Witness like me. She told her fan that her necklace actually says “slut.” At this point in my life, I’d rather get a rim job from a piranha than raise a kid, but it’s moments like these that make me wish Bella Thorne was my daughter. I’d be so genuinely proud.

Yes, Bella should pray to Allah, God, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Xenu, Yahweh, Brahman, Waheguru and Bea Arthur (my God) to bring her an industrial-strength Magic Eraser so she can fix those Groucho Marx kid mark brows, but this isn’t the time to drag that trick for not consulting with a seasoned cholita before using an entire off-brand dull brown Sharpie for her brows. Besides, who is even looking at those turd brows (answer: everyone) when the Dlisted version of the Heart of the Ocean necklace is taking away all the attention, as it should!

Pic: Wenn.com

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