Almost a year and a half after they announced they were calling it quits on their marriage of 10 years, Summer Phoenix has finally filed papers to divorce Oscar-winning (alleged) sleazeball Casey Affleck. I wonder what took her so long? Maybe she was holding off to see if they could squeeze in one more ironically too cool American Gothic-looking public appearance.
People obtained the court documents yesterday, and they say Joaquin Phoenix’s little sister has requested joint physical and legal custody of their two children, Indiana and Atticus. She has also asked for spousal support. People also adds that Casey and Summer technically split in November 2015, but held off on announcing it until last year.
People doesn’t say what Summer wrote in the section marked “reason for divorce.” The most likely option is that she went with the most standard choice of irreconcilable differences. But my drama-loving self wants to believe she wrote: “Oh, I don’t know…hmmm…whatever do you think could be the reason?”
So Casey is going to be a divorced dude. On the downside, he won’t be able to live that newly divorced dad life with his brother Ben Affleck. You know, since he’s busy with his blonde rebound. On the upside, this divorce news means that Casey will finally be able to pursue his true love: Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder! Ew, not Vicki back then – that would be gross. I mean Casey could call up Ted Lawson and ask him to build an adult version of Vicki. She and Casey would make a great couple for a double-date with Casey’s BFF Joaquin. The boys could talk about the good ol’ disgusting times, and Vicki and Rooney Mara could gossip about robot stuff.