Archives: August 2017

Paris Hilton Is Sorry For The Dumb Shit She Said About Trump’s Accusers

August 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Oh, what do we have here? A plastic container filled with expired leftovers from the mid-2000s that really should have been slipped into the trash years ago but for some reason continues to linger in the back of the fridge? Well yes, but it’s also a leftover that is just so sorry some recent gross ass-kissing comments went viral and made her sound like a terrible person. Heavens, we wouldn’t want anyone to think that about Paris Hilton, would we?

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Casey Affleck Says Ben Affleck Won’t Be Playing Batman In A Solo Flick

August 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Problematic Oscar-winner Casey Affleck claims that his big brother, Maine liquor store connoisseur Ben Affleck, will not be playing a probably hungover-looking Batman in a planned DC Comics Universe solo movie. He said this during a radio appearance yesterday, here in Affleck Land – Boston! I’m not sure why Casey didn’t let me know he was in town. He IS my enemy of old and we’re due for a rematch. I’ll explain in the last paragraph. Continue reading

Pink No Longer Loathes Christina Aguilera

August 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Pink is back on the music scene, and, while she recognizes there are plenty of Tinseltown cat fights, her and Christina Aguilera’s pussies are quite content, thankyewverymuch. As all things seem to go these days, her get real moment stemmed from a Twitter troll. Everything these days comes from Twitter trolls. Racist shit, bullying, U.S. Presidential “diplomacy”…sometimes all in one Tweet!

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Lady Gaga Will Appear At A Deposition For Dr. Luke and Kesha’s Legal Drama

August 17, 2017 / Posted by:

The ongoing legal Battle Royale taking place between talk-singing pop songstress Kesha and scruffy alleged perv Dr. Luke is quickly transforming into the most depressing concert ever. And now, after being subpoenaed last monthLady Gaga has been added to the roster to shake and shimmy in the courtroom. Gaga was unsure of when she’d be deposed, but now sources can confirm that her headlining act at Fuckery Fest 2017 will be taking place sometime in September.

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A Decade Of Rash, I Mean, Kardashian

August 17, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s hard to believe, but it’s been a solid ten years since our screens weren’t dominated by nasal-voiced broads hawking lip plumper and eyelash extensions. The Hollywood Reporter is out with a biblical-length profile titled “The Kardashian Decade” entailing all the behind the scenes dish on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The serious cover, nude-colored wardrobes and the fact that the whole thing blurts “KIM IS MAKE-UP FREE! ALERT THE TOWN CRIER” in the first three sentences are supposed to make us think this is Raw! Unscripted! Real! Kar! Dash!

The fact that it looks like Kris Jenner’s head was photoshopped onto her body makes us realize this is business as usual. Continue reading

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