Kathy Griffin Has Been Exonerated By The Secret Service
Remember when Kathy Griffin went out of her redheaded mind and posed for a pic holding a facsimile of President Donald Trump‘s bloody, disembodied head? The feces hit the fan for Kathleen! She was somehow shocked and showily tearful when everyone from Washington to her NYE bestie Anderson Cooper and CNN turned on her ass. POTUS, who loves nothing more than trashy POTUS-centered drama, accused her of traumatizing 11-year-old Barron Trump. Worst of all for Kathy, the Secret Service got involved. Well, pour a glass of wine for Kathleen and her moms. She’s been exonerated!
Kathy was investigated for potentially being a serious threat to 45’s well-being. This was foolish, mostly because she obviously wouldn’t be able to employ any stealth in breaching White House security with that hair. Well, happy times are here again. Our ongoing White House circus (the president hiring an extra from Tony and Tina’s Wedding as his communications director, etc.) has erased Kathy’s flub from the public’s mind. Even Anderson has forgiven her. But best of all, as I said above, the Secret Service has exonerated her of any wrong-doing, because bad taste isn’t illegal. Kathy’s free to resume her celebrity-skewering and, hopefully, resolve to never give a tearful press conference ever again.
Kathy revealed it on her Twitter yesterday (via The Huffington Post).
TODAY. The @AP has to clarify. I am no longer under federal investigation. The case is closed, I have been completely exonerated. Finally. pic.twitter.com/1AGZ0dCMDN
— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) July 28, 2017
Kathleen was reportedly interviewed by the Secret Service for over an hour in June. The Secret Service doesn’t mess around, and they’re way tough. They’ve got those important-looking earpieces with the wrist accessory to speak into and they have enough stamina to run beside a limo for miles. But even they probably have their limits. There must have been a lot of eye-rolling down at the office when that bigoted orange ordered them to terrorize Kathy as revenge, and this is one of the stories that we’ve heard about. What else has the short-fingered dictator had them do to his enemies that we don’t know about? You just know he ordered them to give Ahnold a body cavity search back in March.
Pic: WENN