A few weeks ago, Kid Rock begged us for attention by announcing he might run for Senate in Michigan. Nobody was really sure if he was serious, or if he was just trying to move merch. He launched a website and coquettishly teased his intentions. Well Kid Rock is still being coy. He won’t put out, but he’ll let you touch his breasts (over the shirt).
The rock star, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, addressed inquiries about his potential Senate bid on his website, KidRock.com, on Wednesday and wrote he was going to spend the upcoming months “exploring” his candidacy for the U.S. Senate.
In the meantime, though, Rock said he was going to get Michiganders excited for the next election by launching a non-profit organization aimed at promoting voter registration.
The thought of Kid Rock getting anybody excited is pretty disgusting, but you know there is always somebody who would. Part of Kid’s plan is to have representatives from his new (as of yet unnamed) non-profit at his shows to get people registered and that any merchandise sold at particular concerts will be “used to fund voter registration efforts.” So come for the ear splitting caterwauling of ego-maniacal red white and blue stained trailer park diaper filled trashcan fire, stay for the civic engagement. And because Kid won’t even suck your dick without making you buy a bumper sticker first, he’s still holding out on us about that senate run. According to Newsweek:
Voters won’t have to wait too long to find out if they can expect Rock on the ballot or not, though. He wrapped up his latest statement on the matter noting that he will hold a press conference within the next six weeks or so. “If I decide to throw my hat in the ring for US Senate, believe me… it’s game on mthrfkers.”
A press conference? In the next six weeks “or so”? Kid is really milking this like a talented hooker trying to get a drop out of Mitch McConnell’s shriveled up peen. The scariest part of all this is that “A Delphi Analytica poll released Thursday found 54 percent of voters would choose Rock over (incumbent) Stabenow.” Well shit. You know what, this is our fault. We let countrified rap put the tip in back in the 90’s and now the possibility of Senator Kid Rock is the herp sore we deserve.
One final note:
why does Kid Rock look like an alt-right Babadook? pic.twitter.com/lKfpKJznFg
— Mathew Rodriguez (@mathewrodriguez) July 27, 2017