Hot Slut Of The Day!

Stiff Stuff hairspray!

AquaNet (the pink bottle in the 80s and purple bottle now) will always be the sticky syrup of the gods to me. Yes, if you inhaled enough of it you probably got cancer of the nostrils, but nothing really left my hair with a magnificent crust that could block bullets and had to be removed with paint remover and a chisel. AquaNet left your hair looking and feeling like the angels gathered around your head and busted angelic nuts all over it. AquaNet is forever the fully loaded 1997 Honda Del Sol  of hairspray to me (and yes, a fully loaded 1997 Honda Del Sol is the luxury car of luxury cars to me). But well, if you happened to be shopping in a fucking dump that didn’t carry such fine haircare products as AquaNet, you could slum it with other, still hot, but not as hot, haircare products like Stiff Stuff!

Stiff Stuff, which is definitely a Grindr username I’d “tap,” came in a pump bottle and an aerosol spray can. From what I remember, it smelled like a mixture of apples marinating in formaldehyde and microwaved plastic, but if your hairspray smells natural, don’t bother with that shit. Water will give you a stronger hold. Stiff Stuff did the trick and then some. It coated your hair with a glue-like crust, and if you rubbed your Stiff Stuff-encrusted locks with your fingers, flakes would fly off of your mane. It looked like a magical chemical snowstorm. That shit probably had so much alcoholic in it that it got your hair drunk.

But you could never go wrong with Stiff Stuff since professional models relied on it! (Although, I’m pretty sure the “stiff stuff” that models rely on is high grade coke.)

Stiff Stuff has long been discontinued, but you can still find it on eBay if you’re like me and  only trust a brand of hairspray that can easily double as a blowtorch.

Pic: Pinterest