Because I’m a Grade-A, red-blooded, diva-loving gay gay gay, there is really no better medicine post-breakup than taking a bottle of rosé to the face, watching hours of Sex and the City, and thinking, “At least you ain’t as fucked in the head as Carrie Bradshaw,” before flopping into bed and crying myself to sleep to Danity Kane. Well, I wonder if that would be a bit too meta for Aubrey O’Day, because E! reports she is no longer riding Pauly D’s D. What?! Say it ain’t so! Who gets custody of the joint account at Sun Tan City?!?!?!
A source dropped how it all went down:
Pauly is the one that broke up with Aubrey. She was pressuring him to get a ring, and he was not there yet. They are done. He hopes to remain friends with her, [but] she is pretty upset.
Snooki did a good job making sure everyone knows Pauly had the upper hand!
The two met on E!’s Famously Single, proving true love can rise from a steaming heap of shit clusterfuck casting couch that included Brandi Glanville and Calum Best. Aubrey was a hungry, hungry hippo for a ring, and what she told E! in June most certainly wouldn’t have scared off a suitor about to go film with his horny ex-castmates for a reunion special:
“I want a ring like ASAP! I think I put enough pressure for that to be going down sooner not later. I’m looking for something serious, and I’m ready to move to the next chapter in my life where I’m a wife and a mom and to experience other things than what I’ve been doing my entire career. He knows that and we made sure that’s the page we were both on in the beginning.”
Don’t worry, Aubrey. When one bottle of self-tanner closes, another one comes walking down the street ready to squirt all over your face.