Open Post: Hosted By Selena Gomez Taking Her Misery Out On A Trader Joe’s Bag

July 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Selena Gomez finally panned off her lips in the official video for her new single “Fetish,” and, well, it seems like SOMEONE is trying to prove once and for all she is not the Baby Spice of the Taylor Swift squad. The whole thing starts out kind of looking like an Estee Lauder commercial, but then we see someone has wrecked a Buick. Selena is pissed to the point of staring down the sun (girl, don’t pull that shit on August 21, ok?). In the world’s longest build up, the first half of the video is all about artful splicing her stare with scenes of a broken wine glass, and Selena going for her knot-tying Girl Scout badge on her tongue.

Finally, at the 1:43 mark, she realizes the bag boy forgot about her kale and she’s going to have to take an Uber back to the grocery store to get what she… nah, j/k. Let’s just go and destroy everything. Selena, that is wasteful! There are kids and First Ladies starving everywhere!

Taking things into the Dark Arts territory, Selena uses a Sally’s Beauty Supply eyelash curler in ways it most certainly shouldn’t. She eventually pops a bar of soap into her mouth, and I wish she could pass it to me after so I could take it to my eyes because the whole thing is a bigger visual car crash that the one that’s ruining her front lawn in the video. See for yo’self below:

 

Pic: YouTube

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