T.J. Miller Is Performing At An Interview Near You

July 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Messy, messy mess face, T.J. Miller has really out messed himself this time. In a recent interview with Vulture, the erstwhile Silicon Valley star pulled out all the stops in his efforts to channel 90’s era Marlon Brando and shock you into believing he’s the love child of Andy Kaufman and Nicolas Cage. If you thought he was “a lotbefore, wait until you get a load of this.

Vulture sat down to interview T.J., who had his publicist on hand, and he showed up like this:

The rumpled Miller, dressed in a red warm-up jacket and wearing a gaudy gold chain, has arrayed a bottle of Mucinex, a copy of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, three small bottles of water, and some sort of facial misting spray on the table before him.

Pretense, thy name is Miller! Throughout the interview, T.J. paints himself as various tropes, none of which are particularly original. According to T.J., T.J. is a nihilist, a free spirit, a philosopher, a man of the people and a bad boy who won’t be brought to heel by your bourgeois expectations. Here’s T.J. as cultural provocateur:

If I’d just said it was an honor to work on Silicon Valley and was thankful to Alec Berg, I would have disappeared. Instead, by being just a little authentic, I infected the news cycle.” He spritzes his face and clarifies further. “It’s more important to be polarizing than neutralizing. That’s my position.”

Don’t you wish you could be that authentic at work? Must be nice to have authentic “fuck you money.” T.J. Miller is a fartknocker. That’s my position. Here’s an “authentic” exchange that proves how naughty and nonchalant T.J. is:

“It’s entirely inappropriate to smoke marijuana, right?” She (his publicist) says it is. He frowns, then face-spritzes. I ask what the spray is, and he says, “It’s embarrassing for you that you don’t know.” (It is, according to the bottle, Evian Natural Mineral Water spray.)

No, please don’t make this poor, poor woman who has to be your publicist your “mean mommy” foil. Eat a fucking gummy, you twerp!

T.J. Miller would also like you to know that he is a man of the people, nay, a noble savior of the highest order! Vulture also reports:

“My goal is to distract people from the tragedy of the impermanence of everyday life.”

He added:

“I’m not making things for wannabe intellectual hipsters complaining on Reddit. I’m doing The Emoji Movie and Deadpool 2 for people en masse.”

Yes, I’m sure Reddit will have nothing but pseudo-intellectual, science based criticisms of your movie starring an animated turd. Thank you for sacrificing yourself at the altar of populism. You the real MVP.

Towards the end of the interview, T.J. goes on to practice some armchair psychology on the interviewer by asking him pointed personal questions that, when answered, are met with a cheeky “that was a trick.” Here’s one bit of information gleaned from the interview that may sum up T.J. Miller and what his whole deal is: T.J. Miller is the “child of an attorney and a psychologist.”  Somehow, it all makes sense now.

In case you need more T.J. in your life, he’s #takentotwitter to defend his honor. Here’s a sentiment I will take to heart.

Thank you for your service?

Pic: Wenn.com

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