The stunningly perfect eyebrows that easily snatched away the spotlight from Donald Trump’s press conference about JabbaTheTrumpCare.
You know that someone really knows you and the interests that are closest to your heart when they IM you and tell you to immediately drop the ass dildo you’re about to have a date with and turn on the TV right away since something extremely important is happening. I grabbed my remote like I was wasted and it was the last bag of Hot Fries on the shelf at a 7-Eleven at 2 in the morning on a Saturday. I turned on my TV and right away knew what my friend meant by “extremely important.” It wasn’t the mutant glob of foundation crust caca-ing at the mouth about healthcare. It was the absolutely gorgeous works of eyebrow art behind him. Those eye valances of glamour are magic, because as soon as I laid eyes on them, the sound of Trump speaking was drowned out by the beautiful sound of the cholita angels singing into my ears as I stared at pure beauty.
The owner of today’s Hot Sluts of the Day stood behind Trump because her son has spina bifida, and she says Obamacare did him and her family wrong. So she stood behind the torched hacked-up hairball, and became the breakout star of the press conference thanks to her spectacular vaudeville ass brows. Of course, Twitter is filled with bushy browed haters of beauty, so they dragged her. They are obviously jealous that they can’t work a BIC Cristal ballpoint pen like her and don’t have a face that can pull off such long division elegance. Stunning divided into magnificent equals these brows!
They wish they could repeal their own dusty brows and replace with these gorgeous bug antenna brows:
Well, if Obamacare really gets killed and replaced with Trumpcare (which will be an old bible bought for pennies from a Howard Johnson’s fire sale so we can pray the sick away), then we should shave our brows and draw on gorgeous ones like today’s HSOTD. Because well, when all else fails, give yourself a pair of bike handlebar brows that make people just want to grab onto them and ride far, far away.
Pic: @ABC (Also, thanks to all of you who e-mailed and tweeted this to me!)