A-Rod And JLo Celebrate Birthdays With A Joint Party

July 24, 2017 / Posted by:

No, unfortunately it was not that kind of joint party. Power couple Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez celebrated their birthdays jointly by throwing a over-the-top party.

TMZ has riveting footage of it.

TMZ also says:

The couple hung out with friends and family Saturday night in Miami for a massive birthday party — hers is July 24 and his is July 27 — and while J Lo always has on her dancing shoes … we don’t normally see A-Rod cut loose. Dating Jennifer clearly changes a man.

In the video, the duo commit all my least favorite birthday crimes. 1. Too many fucking balloons 2. Shouty karaoke featuring group singing (Sweet Caroline needs a forever ban along with Love Shack, Bohemian Rhapsody and Baby’s Got Back. BAN THEM NOW) 3. A multi-tiered cake that looks like groom’s cake that Turtle from Entourage would have picked for himself 4. Just waaaaaaay too many people. Does you manager’s cousin’s nephew’s old college roommate really need a Plus 1?

Ugh, is there anything worse than grown ass people throwing themselves elaborate birthday parties? In my opinion, birthday parties are for children (ask Halle). Grown ass people may only throw a birthday party for themselves under the following circumstances:

  • It is a milestone birthday (21, 30, 40, 50, 60 and 65 are acceptable milestones)
  • If you have a terminal condition and it might be your last
  • You grew up in one of those weird no birthday religions (Jehovah Witness, Christian Scientist, Scientologist etc) and are making up for your bleak childhood
  • You are technically an adult but have the mind of a child

Instead, you may chose one of the following ways to celebrate your birthday:

  • Dinner out with friends; no more than 8 per celebrant. NO GIFTS. Cake to be taken at home.
  • Dinner at home; 15 person maximum. You or your significant other must cook. Catered dinner is cheating and will not be tolerated.
  • Drinks and/or dancing at a bar. NO GIFTS. A tasteful tiara or special birthday hat may be worn.
  • A solo trip to another city/country where you enjoy your own company and reflect on what you’ve achieved over the past year.

JLo and A-Rod, you are officially on probation for being way too extra. Next year, if you’re still together, please give it a rest.

And, by the way. After zooming into that picture up top, can somebody please explain what in the dia de los muertos is going on here!?

jlo2

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