Halle Berry Never Had A Birthday Party

July 22, 2017 / Posted by:

You weren’t missing much, Catwoman. Usually some sort of clown or magician is involved when you’re a kid, and they always smell of Level 3 sex offender. So maybe you dodged a bullet. In an interview with E! News, marginally psychologically stable actress Halle Berry revealed that she’s never had a birthday party.

Halle was at San Diego Comic-Con shilling Kingsman: The Golden Circle when an E! reportress asked her a series of fawning questions. One of them was about what she’ll be doing to celebrate her upcoming 51st birthday. Halle’s reply was along the lines of “birthdays are for the weak.

“I never once had a birthday party. It’s just something I do for my kids.”

That’s pretty dire. Even I had birthday parties as a kid, and my only friend my age was the neighbor girl who tolerated me because I would show her my underwear when commanded.

Halle did acknowledge that Mother’s Day is an important occasion in her home, because biologically shoving two humans through your body deserves a heavily mimosa-ed brunch.

 “That’s the day I take credit for…I work so hard as a mom!”

Halle’s feeling on aging taken from a page in the late, great Aaliyah’s book.

“As I’ve gotten older I realize that age is just a number. It doesn’t define me. It doesn’t define my happiness or what I can and can’t do as I get older.”

Good for Halle. Hopefully age has enabled her to be more discerning in her romantic partners. No one needs a male model and French film star beating the tar out of each other in their driveway over them. Actually, that doesn’t sound that bad when I type it out. *shrug*

The E! lady should have asked Halle about her styling that day. No shade here, “I’m a millionaire so I could care less and your event isn’t worth calling in my stylist ” is a look even the common people can work.


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