Much to the surprise of no one I’m sure, Ryan Seacrest – the perpetually-smiling theme park animatronic who longs to one day be a real boy – has officially been named as the host of ABC’s American Idol. Variety says ABC confirmed the news after Kelly Ripa announced it on Live With Kelly and Ryan this morning. “She just had to be the one to do it” probably thought Michael Strahan.
“Reuniting with an old flame” – truly appropriate choice of words on Ryan’s behalf. Because I think we can all agree the original Idol is to the new Idol what a Yankee Candle votive is to a battery-operate tealight from the dollar store.
Ryan also released a statement about his new/old job.
“It’s genuinely hard to put into words what American Idol means to me. I’m so grateful for the show and all the career and life opportunities it’s allowed me to experience. It’s been an incredible journey from day one. To be asked to return this year, at my new home at Disney|ABC, is an honor, if not a bit surreal. I believe ABC is the perfect home for Idol, and I’ve every confidence the show’s legions of fans will love it — especially Idol’s best traditions of showcasing heartwarming stories, remarkable talent discovery, and, best of all, making dreams come true.”
ABC Entertainment also said a little something about Ryan’s return. They say they’re “thrilled” to be ushering in a new era of Idol with Ryan, and they credit so much of Idol’s original success to him. I’d joke that Simon Cowell just rolled his eyes, but I doubt he could give a shit.
Okay, but enough about how perfect Ryan is. How many zeroes will be written on his paychecks? Katy Perry, the first judge to sign on to new Idol, is taking home $25 million. Sources told TMZ last month that Ryan reportedly wanted $15 million and an executive producer credit. TMZ says they’ve been told Ryan is making somewhere closer to $10 million to host Idol, and that he didn’t get that executive producer credit. Speaking of Katy Perry, she took a break from sucking up to Taylor Swift to congratulate him on Twitter.
— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) July 20, 2017
Variety says that on top of hosting Idol, Ryan will continue hosting Live With Kelly and Ryan in New York, as well as hosting and executive producing his radio show On Air With Ryan Seacrest from Los Angeles. That’s a lot of work, even for a wind-up toy like Ryan. ABC executives must have taken that into consideration when they made their decision. I bet they all agreed to first offer the gig to Bryan Dunkleman, but he turned it down because the cheapskates at ABC wouldn’t agree to his salary of $10 million plus retroactive back-pay from all the years since he got canned, and then they offered it to Ryan. I’m sure that’s what happened.