The black mark on many a New Jersey resident’s soul is MTV’s old reality series, Jersey Shore. The true-to-life tales of a wild pack of bronzed goons and goblinettes sharing a rental and getting wasted, tanning themselves to a crisp, and physically assaulting one another inadvertently became a cultural phenomenon! Catchphrases were coined. Gnarly abs were celebrated. Everyone came to assume that any New Jersey resident under 40 was either an overly tanned juice-head compensating for sub-standard genitals with violence, or a drunken human halter-top ready to rake her nails down your face at a moment’s notice. They finally vacated the shore in December of 2012.
But, like every single other property in Hollywood, nothing stays canceled forever. (Unless you’re Hannibal. No, they can’t bring THAT show back, but they’ll revive THIS pile of shit. But I’m not bitter…) The cast will return in a “docu-series” called Jersey Shore: Reunion Road Trip on the E! network. The Hollywood Reporter says that a planned reunion for the cast was extended into a multi-episode journey that’s sure to be full of wistful reminiscing and many rounds of Mind Erasers.
The cast drives down memory lane, making familiar stops along the way — sharing stories, revisiting hot spots and catching up on each other’s current lives. Viewers will follow the lifelong friends as they come together to gossip about each other’s lives, what has been said about them in the press, the juiciest moments and stories from behind the scenes that we never saw, and most of all talk about the pop culture hit that has bonded them forever.
The pilot episode will be the actual reunion. What’s truly chilling, is that E! is also considering “exploring both unscripted and scripted series casts as possibilities for future episodes.” Well, it’s not like this is Clockwork Orange and someone is prying my eyes open and FORCING me to watch this mess. E! is already Kardashian HQ, so my policy when it comes to that channel is already “better to remove your eyes with a rusty spoon.”