WWE wrestler John Cena shaves his balls with a razor. He also shaves his knuckles (presumably with the same razor). And what about the crack of his ass, you ask? Yep, you got it. He shaves that, too. Every. Day. He also says he spends up to 30 minutes to an hour a day shaving. These are details John Cena feels perfectly comfortable sharing with you, according to People Magazine.
“I’m completely man-scaped from head to toe – from the ears down – so that takes a bit of time. I’m constantly trying to stay up on fine lines in my skin and that stuff, so I’m a lot more grooming-centric than you would realize. My routine is a lot more than you would think – I’d say it’s a strong 7 ½ out of 10.”
It’s now an image that you and I both have to live with. Also, I hope he has a good plumber, because those drains must be a nightmare. But it’s all good, because John Cena likes to play a fun game called, “How Many Brand Name Products That Sponsor Me Can I Mention in a Single Article.” And he’s really good at it! Mostly those products are a variety of fresh scented Tapout Brand body sprays. John says:
“Tapout is the official training and fitness brand of the WWE, so all of us are under the Tapout umbrella. We’re sending a great message with this – our message is that you can be unstoppable.”
Perfect, now we have the olfactory impression to go with the visual tableau of John Cena lathering up and shaving his nether-dangles and under-widgets, stepping out of the shower and anointing his sleek, wet seal of a body with a scent, called Defy (if it’s a date night) or Core (for when you’ve been working out).
John says “man-scape” a lot in this article, and every time I read it, I see “man-SCRAPE,” because of what he made me see in my head with his word pictures. John also says he “goes through at least six tubes of shaving cream a month.” Does shaving cream even come in tubes? I thought it came in cans. This story smells kinda fishy (like some of the other Tapout scents Fuel or Focus, for example).
I don’t watch wrestling, but John Cena does seem like a good guy. I will have to take a hard pass on learning any further details about his personal grooming habits or his corporate sponsorships, though. It’s nothing but a huge, stinking pile of shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaving cream!