Shia’s Shameful Apology

July 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeouf is very, very sorry. He’s ashamed of his behavior and “his outright disrespect for authority is problematic to say the least.

Yesterday, after suuuuuuuuuuper cringy body cam footage emerged of his arrest on charges of disorderly conduct, public drunkenness and obstruction, Shia issued a predictable, measured apology on Twitter.

The statement reads:

In case you missed it, Shia was in Savannah, Georgia (filming what I can only assume is a buddy cop movie co-starring Mel Gibson) called, The Peanut Butter Falcon. According to Shia, he was arrested for being a 100% not racist white man. Speaking to one of the the arresting officers, who is black, he said “I came up to you asking for a cigarette you dumb fuck, why would I ask for a cigarette if I’m racist?” Logic level: Infallible. Apparently, asking a black man for a cigarette was his Rosa Parks moment. He also told the officer that his country hated him.

As a delightful complement to his Twitter apology, TMZ has dropped additional tape of Shia going on a exhausting racial tirade at the police station where he was being booked. In these videos he can be heard telling one black officer that he was going to go to hell because he’s black. He also kindly lets a white officer know what type of porn his wife enjoys. What kind, you ask? The big black dick kind of course!

Nowhere in his apology does Shia acknowledge any of the racist implications of his behavior. He’s the type of rich liberal who doesn’t see color (when sober), is a champion of social justice and equality (when convenient) and who blames alcohol alone for his racist behavior (when asked to do so by his publicist). Shia doesn’t think he’s a racist, but drunk Shia proves how deeply and problematically obsessed with race he really is. Nobody can tell him otherwise, not even when Maury Povich jumps in with the tapes to announce “Shia LeBeouf, the results are in . . . you ARE a racist!”.


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