Lorde looks like that in the above pic, because Taylor Swift’s kiss is the “of death” kind, and she knows she’s forever doomed. (Taylor whispering “mine for life…” in her ear like a Gollum in heels didn’t help, either.)
The PR threat level gauge must have hit orange (aka “A bitch is trying to leave!” -level) over at Serpent Squad HQ. Noted Serpent Squad member and jaded 45-year-old in a 20-year-old body, Lorde, claimed that she actually has little to do with Tay Tay & Co. in an interview this week.
Well, a goon squad from the S-Squad must have been sent over to Lorde’s mansion. (“Goon squad” = lower celebrity tier members like Hailee Steinfeld, the girl who plays the lesbian singer on Empire, and one of the assorted models armed with incriminating footage of Lorde admitting she’s actually 45 and just really good at moisturizing) Lorde tweeted a clarification yesterday, blaming it on interview malfunction and saying that Swifty is “a dear friend” whom she “deeply respects” and firmly in her “ride for” category. She also claimed that the Serpent Squad isn’t a cult! Well, maybe not in the Branch Davidian sense, but stop pulling our dicks, Lorde.
The New Zealander singer was quoted as saying that “I don’t hang out with these people at all.” She’s now saying she was talking about her idols David Bowie and Patti Smith. Well, one of those people is dead, so that makes sense. Lorde tried to clarify on her Twitter:
“…in the interview in question, i had just been talking about bowie and patti smith – those were the “idols” i was referring to that i was saying i’m not friends with, not taylor!”
If there was a font called “nervous laughter“…
Lorde also took the time to explain what Taylor’s Serpent Squad is and isn’t. They don’t do human sacrifices, people! (Yet. You KNOW Gigi Hadid has a Mayan sacrificial dagger in her clutch.)
“I’ve always found people’s perception of this ‘squad’ idea frustrating in the past; it was never some exclusive club or secret society, but a wide circle of people, some of whom I know, and some of whom I’ve never met, like the most wide groups of friends. Forgive me for the mild eyeball I popped when it was brought up as if we’re all blood members of a secret cult.”
Note that, with the “some of whom I’ve never met” line, she’s totally distancing herself from Lena Dunham (I’m just guessing). Well, I like Lorde’s new record. And I’m probably going to like her next one – a thinly veiled concept album about the hazards of becoming an anguished follower of a power-hungry blonde boredom demon.