THE QUEEN was in Scotland this week and on her itinerary was a little kiki with Canadian panty creamer extraordinaire Justin Trudeau as well as a visit to Stirling Castle. My guess is that THE QUEEN visited Stirling Castle first and I’m only saying that because she wouldn’t be able to visit any castle if she had met up with Trudeau beforehand. She’d be unable to walk due to being laid out on a velvet settee with a serious case of the vapors.
While sashaying into Stirling Castle, THE QUEEN was met by an uncouth Shetland pony (“More like Shitland pony.” – THE QUEEN, probably) who shamelessly tried to steal her flowers. The common thief, we’ll call Lindsay LoPony, nibbled on THE QUEEN’s bouquet (that sounded wrong) and she hit that crook back with some sass. She pulled her flowers back and told the pony to go away and then she pet the pony’s nose. And I’m sure that she also whispered to one of her minions, “Send that pony to the worst glue factory in Scotland!”
And honestly, that pony is probably a Morrissey fan. Look at that hair. That pony’s totally emo.