Adele Is Quitting Touring Earlier Than You Imagined

July 1, 2017 / Posted by:

On Thursday, Adele made her Pumpkin Spice demographic weep and wail even more than usual when she mentioned that she might not tour ever again. Well, if you’re near an Adele fan right now, I hope you got duck shoes on. Because she has canceled the last two dates of her possibly final tour at London’s Wembley Arena. I happen to know an entire family that’s over in London. Their jet-set to-do list included using those tickets they bought to see one of Adele’s final four shows at Wembley. Which became two shows. Which already happened. Their tickets might have been for one of the cancelled nights. I might know a family that’s going to sue Adele.

Adele announced the cancellations on Twitter (via The Telegraph), and said that she was “devastated” and “heartbroken,” but that her vocal cords are damaged. You need vocal cords. Especially if you’re Adele. You can’t just text your people to buy Big Ben for you. You probably have to give verbal consent, too, so they know they’re not being catfished.

“The last two nights at Wembley have been the biggest and best shows of my life. To come home to such a response after so long away doing something I never thought I could pull off but did has blown me away.”

Adele performed for 98,000 people on Thursday and Friday night. She explained that she really had to push herself. If she kept it up, she might eventually be using ASL or one of those Stephen Hawking squawk boxes to communicate.

The Grammy award winner said she went to see a throat doctor on Friday night, who advised her not to perform over the weekend.

She said: “I’m already maxed out on steroids and aids for my voice. I’ve considered doing Saturday night’s show but it’s highly unlikely I’d even make it though the set and I simply can’t crumble in front of you all and walk out on you in that way.”

The songstress who’s had everybody weeping in their cubicles for the last several years even considered lip-synching! Britney Spears is disappointed in you, Adele.

“I’m so desperate to do them that I’ve even considered miming, just to be in front of you and be with you. But I’ve never done it and I cannot in a million years do that to you. It wouldn’t be the real me up there.”

She also hinted that she wasn’t kidding about ceasing touring, placing special significance on the last shows of this tour.

“It’s something I’m really struggling to come to terms with. It’s as if my whole career has been building up to these four shows.”

She said refunds would be available to fans if shows cannot be rescheduled, signing off with: “I’m sorry, I’m devastated. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me x.”

You can read the full letter on her Instagram.

Collect your marbles, Starbucks lovers. There’s no way in hell that she’s never touring again. I’d stake my life and my collection of Dazzler issues #1 – #42 on it! If there’s ever a Dazzler movie, Adele should play her. A Junoesque gal with a Cockney accent killing villains with light from her face would be a cool way to do it.

Pic: Instagram

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