Hot Slut Of The Day!
Matt “Megatoad” Stonie, the human food disposal who celebrated USA! USA! Day early by stretching his stomach bag out with the food of the gods’ gods: In-N-Out!
Matt Stonie, which is just an oh-so-perfect name for a professional eater, is the #2 competitive eater in the world and in 2015, he beat the Emperor of Wiener Gobbling, Joey Chestnut, and won our nation’s proudest title, the winner of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Years ago, Megatoad Stonie beat another record when he made his internal organs scream, “Ayúdame!”, by eating a 37×37 (37 patties and 37 slices of cheese) from In-N-Out. The pride of San Jose went back to In-N-Out to tackle the 4x4x4 challenge.
The 4×4 is on In-N-Out’s Secret Menu and it’s 4 patties, 4 things of cheese and all the fixins’. I’ve heard that it also comes with 4 defibrillator pads (2 to jumpstart your heart when it quits that bitch and 2 to jumpstart your stomach when it quits that bitch at the same time). Megatoad got 4 of them, sat down and then filled his body with more hot meat and cheese than a champion power bottom getting a train ran on him by a bunch of uncut tops who don’t wash their down-low parts too good. He did it in just under three minutes and also swallowed down a soda. This is why the bald eagle cries one tear of pride today. What an American hero, Matt Stonie is.
And if my co-pay wasn’t so high, I’d spend my Fourth of July deep throating several 4x4s while butt chugging a vodka cranberry. It’s what our forefathers would’ve wanted.
Pic: YouTube