Hot Slut Of The Day!
Norway’s “Penis Rock,” which has sadly been Lorena Bobbitted by some cock rock-hating vandals!
Rising proud in the town of Eigersund in Norway was a glorious and perfect monument to dick, and it was perfect, because it always stayed hard, was girthy and was big enough to satisfy even the pickiest size queen (“Nope, still too small, that’s a baby banana dick.” – the pickiest size queen). It just needs 800 gallons of lube and it’s ready to go. But the BBC (which for this story is short for Big Beautiful Cockrock) reports that on Saturday, a runner named Olav Magne Egebakken found a horrifying and highly disturbing scene: he found the formation, known as Trollpikken (“The Troll’s Penis”), on the ground. Olav believes it was drilled to death and not in a sexy way. Vandals probably took a drill to it, which caused The Troll’s Penis to weaken and plummet to the ground. This is what The Troll’s Penis (which sounds like the name of a revenge porn Tumblr filled with the peen pics of internet trolls) looked like after some evil ass bastard or bastards gave it a penectomy.
The police are currently investigating and looking for the cock rock choppers responsible. The vandals could get thrown into the clink for 6 years if charged and convicted. In the meantime, a fund was set-up to erect The Troll’s Penis and return it to his boner rock glory. One Norwegian contractor (more like “Norwegian cocktractor”) says they’ll need a helicopter to pick it back up and then a team will spend about an hour drilling in new supports. As of right now, the fund has raised over 216,000 krone (like $26,000).
So it looks like The Troll’s Penis will rise again! And since they’re doing work to it, they should consider doing penis enlargement surgery on it by lengthening it by a couple dozen feet. That way they can rename it: The Hammaconda Rock! (And it’d be true-to-size too!)
Pic: BBC