Apologies to those of you lovers of lady-on-lady action who are now dealing with a case of disappointed genitals because you only read a piece of that headline and thought this was going to be a post about Charlize Theron scissoring with Halle Berry.
It’s been about two years since Charlize Theron finally pulled herself out of the dickmatized haze she was in and broke up with barbecued Snausage of rage Sean Penn. OK! Magazine (via The Daily Mail) says that Charlize’s cooze has moved on to Gabriel Aubry, the hot blond model piece who was in a chunky shit storm of a fight over custody and child support with Halle Berry. That fight hit peak WRECK when Halle’s new man Olivier Martinez punched the pretty out of Gabriel on Thanksgiving. And now he may be wet humping on Charlize.
A source says that Gabriel’s daughter with Halle, 9-year-old Nahla, and Charlize’s son, 5-year-old Jackson, go to the same private school in L.A., so they see each other all the time. Not too long ago, they went from parents who wave at each other in the pickup line to parents who wave goodbye at each other in the morning after fucking all night. The source says that they have a lot in common. She’s a tall hot blonde, he’s a tall hot blonde, lots in common!
“They are really into each other. It’s still the early days so they want to keep things discreet, but they have a genuine connection and obviously a huge attraction. They bonded at play dates and parenting events. Then the flirting turned into romance. They’ve had dinner together a few times and talk often when they’re not together. Gabriel’s trying to play it cool but Charlize is smitten. The more they get to know each other the more they realize they have a lot in common.”
On May 27, 41-year-old Charlize and 40-year-old Gabriel took their kids to the Santa Monica Pier and the paps got pictures of them. This picture may look like Charlize is hugging on Gabriel, but she’s actually holding her daughter August.
Charlize Theron is 'dating' Halle Berry's ex Gabriel Aubry https://t.co/UHc4RvDTNF
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) June 14, 2017
You know Halle Berry is calling up her legal team right now to see if she can drag Gabriel back to court and ask to pay him less child support since it looks like he got a new job (aka a new sugar mama).
This is coming from OK! and those pictures don’t prove shit, so in order to fully believe this, I’m going to need to see receipts in the form of a long, brightly lit HD, 3D sex tape starring these two blondies. And if Charlize really is boning Gabriel full-time, I bet her business mangers sent her a “congratulations on your new piece” gift basket filled with condoms, spermacide lube, birth control gummies and IUD coupons. Because the Gold Diggers’ Association of America didn’t name Gabriel Male Gold Digger of the Year in 2014 for nothing!
And since it’s been a while since I’ve posted pictures of Gabriel, here’s pics of him running down the street in March. Yes, I zoomed until I couldn’t zoom no more.