If you read that headline and then went, “Err, okay, let me scroll back down and spend more time with the masterpiece musical stylings of Sarah Dunne instead,” that woman on the left in the hot pink boa is doing an amazing impersonation of you.
Actor and recent inductee into the Peroxide Blonde Ain’t For You, Bitch club, Colton Haynes, was on Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM show yesterday to promote Rough Night, which he’s in. Andy decided to ask 28-year-old Colton about the adventures of his dick and wondered if he’s a Gold Star Gay, meaning that his down-low parts have never been touched by a cooch. Colton isn’t a Gold Star Gay and dribbled out more info about his fuck life by saying that he’s been with 5 girls and lost his V-card at 13 years old. When I was 13, most 15 and 16 year olds I had any kind of interaction with either called me a “stupid fag” or wanted nothing to do with me. But not Colton, he lost his chocha virginity to a 15-year-old girl and his peen virginity to a 16-year-old dude.
“No, I’ve had sex with four girls. I lost my virginity at 13. To a girl and a guy. Yeah, 13. I’ve never said that before. The girl was two years older than me and the guy, was gosh, around 16. I was still in the 8th grade.”
Colton said that he moved high schools a couple of times, and every time he started at a new school, he dated girls at first and by the end of the year, he came out as gay. Then he’d move schools and do it all over again. But Andy wanted to know more about Colton’s first time and wondered if it was a threesome. It wasn’t.
“Everyone participated. It was a real first time. It was exciting…. It wasn’t a three-way. It was separate instances. We’ve all had [threesomes] but it wasn’t that time.”
Oh yeah, we’ve ALL had threesomes. Yeah, sure, mine have all been great. Really though, Colton Haynes may think he’s real edgy by losing both virginities when he was just 13, but when I was a teenager, I was having orgies. Yes, by “orgies” I mean that I was fapping to different underwear models in the JcPenney catalog, but that kind of counts. And yes, I still have those kind of orgies today. Be jealous, Colton!
Here’s Colton at last night’s NYC premiere of Rough Night. Colton brought his fiancé Jeff Leatham and in case you didn’t know that they were engaged from their over-the-top engagement show on Instagram or their second engagement, they flashed their engagement rings.
Pics: Getty, Wenn.com