Cristiano Ronaldo’s longtime football rival is Lionel Messi, and last year, Messy Messi was found guilty of tax fraud and sentenced to 21 months in the clink (he’s not going to jail and will serve probation instead). Well, here comes Crispy to show Messy Messi that he can do the tax evading thing better.
BBC News says that the prosecutor’s office in Madrid has filed a lawsuit against Crispy, who plays for Real Madrid, after they claim he didn’t pay €14.7 million (that’s like $16.5 million) in taxes from 2011 to 2014. Prosecutors accuse Crispy of pulling shifty schemes to get out of paying el taxo senor (yes, Justin Bieber is my Spanish coach). They say that Crispy set up shell companies in the British Virgin Islands to “create a screen in order to hide his total income from Spain’s Tax Office.” They also accuse his Portuguese charbroiled ass of intentionally not declaring €28.4 million ($31.8 million) he made for his image rights from a company in Spain. The Guardian says that on top of all of that alleged tax deceitfulness, prosecutors add that he declared €11 million ($12.3 million) in income he made from 2011 to 2014, but the truth is he made almost €43 million ($48.2 million).
Crispy’s management company denies the charges and say the daddy of three has never done anything illegal, when it comes to taxes anyway.
“There is no offshore structure for evading taxes … [Cristiano Ronaldo has never] had a tax problem, contrary to what the Spanish prosecutors insinuate. All contractual modifications … have been made to guarantee that the incomes [Ronaldo derives] fully observe Spanish tax regulations.”
TMZ says that if convicted of all criminal charges, Crispy could be sent to prison for up to 5 years, but that probably would never happen. Under Spanish law, a first-time prison sentence that’s under two years and is for a non-violent charge can be served under probation.
But imagine if Crispy was actually sent to prison. I don’t know if they allow tweezers in Spanish prison, but I do know that they don’t have giant-sized BBQs (which is what Crispy lies on to get his gorgeous tan. Tanning beds are for pasty amateurs). Well, if it ever comes to that, Crispy can trick the prison officials by sending his gorgeous bronze bust on top of a buff mannequin body that’s painted burnt sienna and covered with Crisco.
— CS Monitor (@csmonitor) April 1, 2017
Those prison officials would never know the difference.