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June 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Zeltzer Seltzer!

The sweet nectar of many people’s youth, New York Seltzer, and Clearly Canadian, the sophisticated libation imported from an exotic foreign country, ruled the seltzer water scene in the 80s and 90s, but there were other brands out there too, like Zeltzer Seltzer! Like New York Seltzer and Cleary Canadian, Zeltzer Seltzer was a sparkling water brand that came in many, many flavors. I don’t know what came first, Zeltzer Seltzer or New York Seltzer, but I always thought that the former was a cheap knock-off bootleg of the latter. I thought Zeltzer Seltzer was the Bella Thorne to New York Seltzer’s Phoebe Price, if your ass will.

Anheuser-Busch, who strangely enough, made Zeltzer Seltzer, ended up getting sued by a rival, but it wasn’t New York Seltzer. In 1987, the makers of another seltzer called SoHo Natural Soda, hit  Anheuser-Busch with a trademark infringement lawsuit for copy + pasting their logo. SoHo Natural Soda’s logo was also a cursive font on top of a checkerboard-lined diamond tile. SoHo Natural Soda also threw in a diss at Zeltzer Seltzer by saying that it’s a lower-quality bitch because it didn’t have any fruit juice in it. Seltzer water wars were brutal!

Anheuser-Busch ended up changing Zeltzer Seltzer’s logo.

Zeltzer Seltzer was eventually discontinued (same with SoHo Natural Soda). Since New York Seltzer and Clearly Canadian are both back, it’s time for Zeltzer Seltzer to make a comeback too. (A tweet from 2015 claimed it was coming back.) Because devotees of Zeltzer Seltzer are probably feeling left out and lonely as their friend, a New York Seltzer disciple, fights with another friend, a Clearly Canadian disciple, about which is better while sipping their sparkling water of choice with vodka in the park.

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Pics: @Zeltzer_Seltzer, Pinterest

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