In March we learned that two of Mischa Barton’s ex-boyfriends, Jon Zacharias and Adam Shaw, were trying to sell a sex tape co-starring her for $500,000. Mischa ended up getting temporary restraining orders against both her exes, who are also good friends. The National Enquirer put a Sixth Sense-style twist on the situation by claiming Mischa herself was behind the sex tape sale, because she was broke. Now we know that’s probably not true. Well, the part about trying to sell the sex tapes, that is. The part about needing cash, however, is still up for debate.
TMZ says that Mischa and her lawyer Lisa Bloom landed a sex tape victory in court yesterday. Mischa made a deal with Jon in which he agreed he would not release any sex tapes or pictures taken during his relationship with Mischa. He has also agreed to hand over all materials to Mischa’s lawyer, where I assume she’ll burn them in a ceremonial bonfire. Jon has been ordered to stay 100 yards away from Mischa forever.
Adam’s restraining order is still temporary; Mischa is going to court on Wednesday to try to make it a permanent one. Lisa Bloom released a statement yesterday confirming that they’re more than happy with their win. This statement is best read while pretending Lisa wrote it while listening to Champion by RuPaul.
“Mischa did not consent to the release of any such photos or videos. We went into court and obtained court orders barring anyone from trafficking in images like this of Mischa. Today we have won an important agreement, which permanently blocks the dissemination of these images. All explicit photos and videos of Mischa must be handed over to me immediately. Her ex must stay 100 yards away from her today, tomorrow, and forever. And the court will retain jurisdiction over the case in case we need further enforcement.
I am proud to declare victory for Mischa. She did this not just for herself, but for all women and girls. Mischa wants everyone to know that we have the right to control our own bodies and decide whether or not to have explicit photos out there for the world to see. If a woman wants to do that, fine. If she doesn’t, fine. The choice is hers and hers alone.”
Mischa reiterated the same sentiments outside of the courthouse yesterday.
That whole thing about staying 100 yards away from Mischa forever is good, although I’m sure she would have loved it if Lisa Bloom had negotiated an extra zero or two on the end. And Mischa shouldn’t feel bad about capturing any sexy moments on tape. She just might want to cover all her bases and make all future participants sign a Scumbag Agreement before hand. “Please sign and date here, here, and here agreeing you won’t reach peak-grossness by shamelessly trying to make a quick buck off these.”